


defrost, debauch, destroy

by psocoptera



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Human, Crack, Hat Trick Challenge, M/M, Mpreg-ish, Tentacles, vaguely Lovecraftian porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 13:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4436804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psocoptera/pseuds/psocoptera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beneath the ice, dread things lie dreaming.  Or listening to One Direction, whatever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	defrost, debauch, destroy

**Author's Note:**

> For the Hat Trick Challenge prompt "apocalypse, not human, frottage".

There's a weird few months between when the ice thins enough for the sun to wake them up and when it thaws to the point where they can extricate all their tentacles.

"Oh, finally," Kane says, when he gets all his upper tentacles loose. He stretches, up and up and up, doing a little dance, waving them to a beat and slapping them together. "I know, I know, I know for sure..."

"I can't believe you can hear on all of their projection frequencies and that's what you listen to," Johnny says grumpily. He's always kind of a disaster post-hibernation, until he finds something to liquefy and absorb.

"I listen to all kinds of stuff," Kane says. "I like that one about the volcano too."

"It's dumb," Johnny says. "If a volcano blew, we'd just encyst."

"Well, it's fun to sing," Kane says. "I'm going to try to find a tambourine in one of the two-leg towns."

"You'll be too busy stuffing your maws and you know it," Johnny says, but fondly. They've been together through a few glacial cycles now; spend that much time with someone in the ice, you get attached. Literally, actually, a bunch of his locomotion suckers are still sticking to Kane from when they'd gone to sleep all intertwined.

"I wish the two-legs who camped on top of us had played music," Kane says. "I guess they were all too unhappy."

"I wish we'd been able to eat them," Johnny says. Sound vibrations through the ice had woken them up, but they'd been much too deeply buried to do anything about it. It had been the most interesting thing that had happened in centuries, though; Johnny had taken his new name from the leader two-legs in the first group, Sir John Franklin. Kane had made fun of him, taking a two-leg name like that, but then when another group came by a few years later looking for the first group, he'd decided he wanted to be Kane for Elisha Kane. So obviously he'd secretly thought it was a cool idea.

Johnny is trying to get his lower tentacles loose from Kane so he can warm up properly - he's going to need to be up to speed to chase down a polar bear, the most likely snack he's going to find up here before they make their way down to somewhere more populated - but Kane keeps squirming and tangling him back up.

"Look," Kane finally says, when Johnny's starting to get a little hot and bothered. Some of Kane's tentacles are coming awfully close to his milt vents for plausible deniability. "I heard on their serious-talking projection frequency that all the ice up here is melting. If we go graze on two-legs for a few years, there might not be anywhere to come back to for hibernation."

"So?" Johnny asks.

"So let's fucking do it," Kane says. "Cross-fertilize, breed a million young, go spawn 'em down in the tropics. Even if the odds aren't great, all the survivors will be warm-adapted, we'll be the parents of a dynasty."

"You and your fucking statistics," Johnny says. "Are you... tired of being with me?"

Kane slithers over him lovingly. "The opposite," Kane says, "I just want to see what kind of horde of ravenous larvae we could make together. They'd be so beautiful."

"We might not even live to see the eggs hatch," Johnny points out. But his resistance is weakening - Kane is rubbing pretty seriously on his vents and oviducts.

"Curse of a semelparous species," Kane says. "Just let me... god, just let me wrap my velar filaments around all your pretty little manipulators, get my holes slipping and sliding on your holes..."

It's wet, squelchy friction of the best sort; Kane is woven over and under and around him, undulating all his tentacles from center to tip.

"Oh," Johnny says, giving in, grinding up and back into Kane. "Oh, god, yes, do it, I'm going to - " He milts, and Kane milts, and their oviducts suck it all in.

For a bit, they just respirate and soak up the sun.

"Oh, wow," Kane says, after awhile. "I could eat, like, an entire two-leg town."

"I still want to liquefy something before we get into the serious devouring," Johnny says. "We're going to need a lot of mass to grow these eggs."

"There are over half a billion two-legs on this continent," Kane says. "We should each only need to eat a few hundred thousand, I figure."

"That's good, gotta leave something for the babies," Johnny says. It's crazy to think that a million genetic fusions are already taking place inside of him. He stretches his tentacles and inspects them, like they might already look different.

Kane seems to be glowing in the sun, but that's probably just his normal bioluminescence.

"So?" Johnny says, getting up onto his suckers.

Kane does his little song-and-dance thing one more time. "I wanna glide down over Mulholland... think that's somewhere we can eat?"

"Let's go find out," Johnny says.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] defrost, debauch, destroy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4466540) by [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater)




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